Now that the monsoons are in full swing, I have made some peculiar observations about rains and the effect they have on our blessed Indian lives.

Also, these are predominantly related to Pune due to the obvious fact that I am fortunate to be living here.

A heartfelt apology IN ADVANCE to those who would get offended.

So here you go:

· No 1: The rain water seeps inside your clothes, right up to your “chaddis” in spite of wearing a full-fledged double coated rain coat and even when the outpour is moderate.

· No 2: It rains only when you have forgotten or ignored wearing the raincoat and it stops the moment you wear it hurriedly standing on the side of the busy road. Every single time !!

· No 3: You realize that you are wearing a white kurta only when the bikewale kaka driving in front of you sprays a generous amount of muddy water on you.

· No 4: I still donot know the exact English word for “Chikhhal”(चिखल). Guess it’s a unique Indian phenomenon. And I have felt awful when I have wanted to throw it on very many faces.

· No 5: The security person at the mall, office, multiplex or any damn place will still insist on checking your dikki when it’s raining cats and dogs. Arre itni barish mei to RDX bomb bhi marr jaye !!

· No 6: The modest poor people sitting in the cars will keep on honking the horns and complain about the traffic delays while the arrogant and intolerant urchins are enjoying the showers on their two wheelers. (And I am not being sarcastic. Aai shapath)

· No 7: You guard your shoes with your life from getting wet till you reach your home safely but the “padatraane (पादत्राणे)” being a true blue Punekar itself, will get drenched in the pond just outside of your housing society and ambush your ego.

· No 8: No one believes your reason for coming late to office due to rains. Kuch bhi fekta hai !!! Mei kaise time pe aaya fir??

. No 9: The kanda bhajji/pakoda and chai is more than overrated. The burps and the gas which comes later is worse. Hot soups and our modest varan bhat is much better. Touch wood !!

. No 10: Monsoon gateaway, monsoon vacations, rainy holiday, etc is all bull shit. Most of the places are either inaccesible or are full of crabs, frogs, chikhal (mind you) and smelly carpets.

· No 11: While Bollywood makes couples see the greenery (both natural and man-made) the real couples living real lives see “maids not coming to work” and “children not going to school”. Doh!!! Which bewakoof said rains are romantic??

· And finally No 12: For the “haadache Punekar” autowale kaka, his evening newspaper is 100 times more important than you – even if you are drenched from head to toe, your destination is just 500 meters away and you are offering to pay double the fare to him. This is the most effective way of reminding you how insignificant your life is !! Even more effective than all the savage diseases of the world put together.


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